He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you will always have a special place in my vag
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize