That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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I just had sex on a roof
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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