it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
