i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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