dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think your dad took our porno
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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