you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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