I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
