No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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