question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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