Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
