i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
