i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
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I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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