I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
