And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
