Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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