shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
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i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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