The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
