nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
