just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
