The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
