I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
