i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
