Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
