I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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