Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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