But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
