I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
