So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
