dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize