who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
