he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
