Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
