Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
