Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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