how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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