why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
