bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
