My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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