It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
