Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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