Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
