there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
