I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Of course I have a pirate flag
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.