I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
