Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.

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  (630): last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone. http://tfl.nu/hjip
  Replies (21) Good night (8518) Bad night (1068)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n

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  (416): He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n http://tfl.nu/pe4m
  Replies (21) Good night (12346) Bad night (1368)
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  (925): View more from California

  I cannot believe I said bareback movement...

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  (925): I cannot believe I said bareback movement... http://tfl.nu/eax3
  Replies (6) Good night (1491) Bad night (916)
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  (969): View more from

  I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.

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  (969): I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight. http://tfl.nu/btdd
  Replies (5) Good night (2138) Bad night (1078)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?

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  (303): I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class? http://tfl.nu/wrjt
  Replies (3) Good night (1527) Bad night (1200)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  next time we drink: battle shots.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.

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  (403): next time we drink: battle shots. (1-403): battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out. http://tfl.nu/hwdw
  Replies (9) Good night (1247) Bad night (697)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.

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  (856): So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying. http://tfl.nu/yw9q
  Replies (2) Good night (1137) Bad night (610)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he's gonorrhea incarnate

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  (201): he's gonorrhea incarnate http://tfl.nu/krir
  Replies (2) Good night (582) Bad night (1446)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.

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  (651): College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars. http://tfl.nu/lcai
  Replies (3) Good night (982) Bad night (564)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.

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  (937): I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/hc91
  Replies (27) Good night (2663) Bad night (697)
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  (61): View more from Australia

  I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.

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  (61): I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege. http://tfl.nu/9edb
  Replies (4) Good night (462) Bad night (367)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"

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  (208): I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth" http://tfl.nu/32vn
  Replies (9) Good night (1252) Bad night (466)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"

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  (304): He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance" http://tfl.nu/4970
  Replies (0) Good night (629) Bad night (533)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.

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  (917): You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude. http://tfl.nu/0uba
  Replies (0) Good night (542) Bad night (377)
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  (310): View more from California

  Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.

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  (310): Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used. http://tfl.nu/mzbp
  Replies (5) Good night (707) Bad night (256)

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