Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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