my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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