Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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