He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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