I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
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He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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