We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize