I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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