hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
