apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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