Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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