I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
