I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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