WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
