is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
