Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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