So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
