So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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