shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
