I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
