On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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