if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
