I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So vagazzling was a success
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
