He is such a slut. More and more my type.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
