I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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