FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
