The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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