Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
