the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
