I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
