dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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