She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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