Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
