ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
