If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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